I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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