check it out our google latitudes are spooning
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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