If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it hurts more in the daytime
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
