Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
