Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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