I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize