i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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