Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
