my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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