her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
