areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
