did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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