is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
