I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
