Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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