The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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