At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
