So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
