The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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