as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
