separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
