she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
