Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
