I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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