Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize