Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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