After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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