If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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