So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
