Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
