we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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