Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
