i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize