Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
