he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
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Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
how drunk are you?
Several
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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