If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
