kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it was like having sex with a tree stump
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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