hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
