either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A bitchslap is in order.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
