She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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