I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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