I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
