i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
