Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
