ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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