Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
