I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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