i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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