we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
