Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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