I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
