she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
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Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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