Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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