My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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