wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
