I didn't shave. On purpose
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize