Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A+ Viking dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
