I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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