my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
