Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
