Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
