I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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