well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need to align my fucking chakras
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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