I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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