just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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