He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
