im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
