If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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