i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
love makes seman taste better
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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