Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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